The Audacity of Nope

Posted on December 25, 2018 by

DSC_2221

Hi, and welcome to #DeMeStified. Wanted to post this (and maybe one more) before the year ran out. In a sense, it’s a reflection of recent events. In another, it’s a reflection on them. It’s more asking than telling. So, if you’ve got answers, kindly share.

“Plants are more courageous than almost all human beings: an orange tree would rather die than produce lemons” ~ Mokokoma Mokhonoana

“The test of courage comes when we are in the minority” ~ Ralph W. Sockman

“Sometimes “No” is the kindest word” ~ Vironika Tugaleva

It’s been a rather eventful year, this; with lots to feel and learn from. It’s mostly come in seasons; so I can’t say there’s been any one theme for the entire year. But the past eight weeks have seemed rather consistent in the amount of disappointment they brought.

I’ve had the door slammed in my face so many times, I’m starting to appreciate not having a long nose. The “No” has come in all shades and tones: “Sorry, but….”. “Unfortunately, …..”. “We regret to inform you that….”.

If my world were defined by events of the past eight weeks alone, then maybe I can conclude that ‘no’ is the easiest thing to say. Broader experience, however, says otherwise – particularly when we’re not afforded the anonymity of an email address.

Many years ago, I stumbled on a little book about half the size of a regular notebook. It was titled something along the lines of “511 Tips on How to Live a Happy Life”. The book made for a curious read to my young mind; and there are three points I remember the most from it. Continue reading →

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Why Don’t I Write?

Posted on October 1, 2018 by

Why Don't I Write

“To gain your own voice, forget about having it heard.” ― Allen Ginsberg

“One must still have chaos in oneself to be able to give birth to a dancing star.” – Friedrich Nietzsche

Hi – and welcome back. Trust you’ve been up to great things in the time it’s been? Today’s title is rather intuitive. Easily the most frequent question I’ve faced since I last penned something on here. It stares me in the face at every corner I turn. I thought I did a good job of running – but, clearly, hiding hasn’t worked out so well. So, let’s just face it.

PS – I have to warn you that this may read like a complete waste of time; the incoherent ramblings of a mentally obese literary has-been. Depending on your setup, it could also present as a sleep-inducing caricature. And, on another hand, you just might find it a commentary on recent happenings. Don’t hold me to it if you don’t see it. In the words of a ‘reputable businessman’, “si tu scis te scire”: if you know, you know. Continue reading →

Posted in 5-12 iMagInG, Leadership, Life, Nigeria | 2 Comments

Yes Love, No Love!

Posted on December 21, 2017 by

DeMeStified

“So it’s true, when all is said and done, grief is the price we pay for love.” ~ E.A. Bucchianeri

“Maybe I was destined to forever fall in love with people I couldn’t have. Maybe there’s a whole assortment of impossible people waiting for me to find them. Waiting to make me feel the same impossibility over and over again.” ~ C. R. Brunt

Hi, Everyone. Been a while *_*. After about a year out, I’m rather eager to get to it.

So, I read this story on Twitter sometime ago. One of those tragic love ones, where one party leaves and the other is left forever stuck in a self-destructing whirlwind. It’s made me do quite a bit of thinking. I’ve been wondering how a human – hard as it is to know what we want in and for ourselves – can know what they want in others. About the fine line between love and hurt – and the endless battles between head and heart.

Long before it became common for partners to stab each other in the neck , I dreamt – many times during the same night – that it happened to me. Crazy – but much realer. My potential stabber was in a room only a few feet down the hall. I’ve had a few scary nights in my day, but that one ranks right up there with the worst – and for good reason. This was love gone bad – and the signs pointed to the very worst. Though it didn’t happen, I often wonder how we got it so wrong. How did something so beautiful turn out as toxic (in expectation or reality)? Was it A; was it B? Or was it the fact of A and B? Continue reading →

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Time Flies

Posted on December 29, 2016 by

Time Flies, DeMeStified, 5-12 iMagInG

“One day you’re the cock of the walk, the next you’re the feather duster.” – P. Morgan

Today, I watched my good friend get married. It was such a lovely occasion that I felt my molten heart pour out of my chest. The lighting was simply perfect: enchantingly colourful, yet mellow enough to set the mood. Add that to some celestial music and you got an atmosphere that milked the soul for all emotion. I looked on, spellbound, until it was time to read the story of time.

Per prevailing customs, it was time for the new bride to bid her parents farewell and proceed to the groom’s side of the hall (and, by symbolism, family). The bride was required to kneel in prayer before her mother. The act itself lasts no more than a couple of minutes; but it’ll feel like an eternity to the trained eye. And, for one laden with emotion, it may be best to look away. Such was the rush! Continue reading →

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Pot of Beans

Posted on August 12, 2016 by

Pot of Beans, #DeMeStified, Life, Choices, Decisions, Being Right

“Until we’ve eaten our words, life doesn’t consider our diet balanced” ~ Imisi

Hi and welcome back to #DeMeStified. Please allow me to open with what was intended as the conclusion; this life is one greasy pot of beans. What we know, we know for now; the universe makes its own plans.

First, I have to ask which of these two you’d prefer to work with: the guy who says “I’ll feed you back in 5 minutes” or the one who says “I’ll get back to you soonest (or ‘shortly‘; in fact, throw in any of the many ways of keeping people off your back indefinitely)”. Picture it coming from your tailor, mailman or the sales rep taking your food order. Imagine being invited to an event that’s billed to end “as soon as possible” or having to sign a contract that requires you to “just do your best”.

Wing it as you may, it still wouldn’t fly. Humans crave assurances; we seek to know. Mistaking assertion for expertise, we easily muzzle reality to pick assertion over vagueness. This disposition raises the demand for assertion, which in turn hikes its going rate in the open market. Continue reading →

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Dear Daughter

Posted on March 19, 2016 by

letter; daughter; wedding

 

Dear daughter,

I write you this not because any of it is alien or new or alien, but that it may be a lasting testament for you and yours. I admit that it’s the longer route; I’m usually more able with two chairs and a round-table. But I understand that as the music fades, butterflies hibernate and emotions begin to rise, this note may bode better than a flood of spoken word.

I must congratulate you on the occasion of your wedding. Fine gentleman you got yourself; your mom is both delighted and relived. If anything, she’s ‘rid’ of the competition and can now boldly parade herself as my undisputed ‘number 1’ again. She was extremely eager to lay claim to you in the days following your birth. You obviously had her eyes. But then, as time passed and your smile got more defined, fact and truth traded places. You and I were knit from the same yarn.

You’ve always been incredibly special to me, dear daughter. From the minute you were born to my coming to terms with ‘losing’ you to another man, you and I have enjoyed an inspired connection. Your mom and I have dreamt of this moment from long before we care to admit. We fantasized about the kind of man you would marry – and those thoughts flavoured our disposition to much of the male company you’ve kept over the years (even the ‘innocent’ classmates). Continue reading →

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One More

Posted on December 3, 2015 by

One More

“The first virtue in a soldier is endurance of fatigue; courage is only the second virtue” ~ Napoleon Bonaparte

“One plus one usually means two – but it can also mean everything” ~ Imisi

It’s the start of December; the end of another year. I thought I’d mark the completion of another project by now. There’s this silent tremor at the back of my mind – and it gets louder the harder I push. I fear it may be right in saying I’ve bitten off more than my mouth can hold. This new dimension could the black hole that slowly sucks the universe in; keeping me from applying myself to anything else.

My mind still traces a fence around its deepest worries as I sleep. I’d like to think it’s exactly as it was a year ago. A ton of wool weighs about the same as the ton of wood. But Maslow points to the devil is in a pile of dust. A battle of desire is clearly nothing like one for survival. How time blurs the mind’s eye. Continue reading →

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