Clumsy Feet

Hi, there. Happy May Day. Trust you’ve been keeping well since the last post. I’m tempted to apologize for how long it’s been – but you may find the repetition a bit insulting. So, I’ll apologize instead for what you’re about to read. It may turn out to be my most selfish post yet. Some other time, God give grace, I may write something for you – but this one is primarily for me. I need to hear it. And since no one (I know) is saying it, maybe it’s time I said it to myself.
“Efforts and courage are not enough without purpose and direction” – J. F. Kennedy
“The danger in norm and routine is that we may one day wake to find ourselves victors in the wrong arena” – Imisi
Today, I watched a kid try to walk. Eyes wide with desire, he tried and tried to string together meaningful steps. The best his attempts could produce was similar to an alcoholic’s victory dance. If he had only looked up, he would have seen the fear in my eyes. I worried his over-insistence would cost him the only tooth he had managed to grow.

Still, his cheeks puffed in delight with every extra effort. He didn’t even care that a long queue (of adults) had built up behind him. Nothing else mattered. No worries in the world – only that one goal: to walk! So, when I carried him to make room for the queue, the tears were volcanic.

 Seconds after his feet were re-united with the ground, he was back to his new-found obsession. His twin-stumps had no strength and his brain no mastery – but something made all that logic irrelevant. His heart had a purpose. He was going to walk – and the roadblocks only brightened the fire in his eyes.

 The truth came alive – and its bitterness filled my stomach. The message was clear and unmistakable. At that point, if I suddenly vanished from physical reckoning, what victories would I be remembered for? If death came in that moment, would it all have been for nothing? What battles had I spent my energies fighting? Had my life been a campaign or a mob-march?

 Speechless, I left my new hero and walked on. Grateful, yet saddened beyond words, I began to double back on events. Where did it all go wrong? Somehow, it didn’t matter that I had an unusually bright start to the year. It didn’t even count that I had put in more effort than most to shape things up. All that mattered were the 2000 years it had been since I last felt alive. In that time, I had sub-consciously undone everything I worked to build.

 Unless the Olympic torch makes it to the venue, its entire journey was in vain. The year started well; everything came together like chords from a grand orchestra, but there are no awards for the first sprinter off the blocks – moreso if he runs backwards. I had forgotten that.

 Again, I asked myself what battles I had managed to win. I asked if I had been an ambassador or a mercenary – if the causes I advanced were heartfelt or paid for. Humans may try their sentimental best to remember a fallen soldier – but memories are fickle. Even the best of them must fade. What outlives us is purpose – and so far, I managed to ignore mine.

 And how does one attend to purpose when routine has dethroned inspiration? What’s the journey worth if process replaces progress? When do we look within if we’re forever looking ahead? Why do we plan if nothing is within our control? To whom have we handed our reins of control? How do we fight an enemy that lies within? What chance do we stand when the enemy is also the referee? How does one measure victory in the fight between heart and head?  Are we even fighting the right battles?

 It’s been a while since I last felt alive. All I’ve heard in forever is the silent hum of a noisy schedule; no air, no inspiration, no spark – only frantic routine. Rules replaced creativity and emotion submerged logic. And all this for what – a cause I believe in or one thrust upon me? How long can one ignore the important for the urgent? If nothing changes, soon there won’t be much left.

 It won’t be worth much if I died for a cause that wasn’t mine. I know now what I must do. I must return to the original calling – the blueprint, the purpose! Purpose makes it all simple. If my mission is to walk, I better ignore the nagging queue and do just that? If I know that which I was born to achieve, then I need to know that ‘greener lands’ are a mere distraction – that porting is not an option.

 The path we’ve been called to walk may not be the most lucrative, but it’ll bring us peace. The hard work is finding that path.  And, as with the kid, purpose may not teach us ‘how’ [to walk], but it’ll remind us of ‘why’ [we should rise after every fall] – and sometimes, that’s all we really ever need!

Specially dedicated to all those who have found purpose, and are lacking the courage to face it. To those still searching, please don’t quit; it’s never far away!

Of course, the comments box is open. Nothing brings more warmth than hearing from you.

!.!.!

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This entry was posted in Courage, Life, May Day, People, Porting, Purpose and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

18 Responses to Clumsy Feet

  1. Fisayo Awi says:

    Solid thoughts. Beautiful writing. Keep it up bro.

  2. misstik says:

    First? I did stay awake for this post though.As for apologizing for not updating the blog regularly, we are already used to it. I carry my water and cutlass when coming here.Moving on..Finding the original purpose is not very easy… a lot of people stumble into the purpose, for which they are to live for. In a place like Lagos where ther is no time to put your head out for airm and even the air you are trying to breathe in, you are fighting for with with person(s).Being in touch with kids around me seeing the unselfishness, the trust, naivety etc makes me wish from time to time, that I hadn't grown up,I guess the hardest parts are finding purpose and sticking to it, despite the odds.*drops cutlass at the doorpost*

  3. sulaiman says:

    Imisi this post just made my day….keep it up

  4. no1fan says:

    And my eyes are misty after reading this. We only need the heart to take on that purpose and i am GLAD that this is a step forward for you and the grace is sufficient for you. "Develop the heart to dare the impossible to get the incredible" I know you are going to do great with whatever you lay your gifted hands on. and yes, getting to know the purpose is also a different ball game entirely but if we stick to the right path and don't give up. HE would reveal it unto us.Thanks for the reminder!

  5. Boye says:

    deep and interesting read as always. May God help us all to discover His blueprint on time.. Cheers

  6. ayomiku says:

    Wow! Great post and as always, I'm impressed. Finding purpose is one and the strength to face it is anoda, still praying for the grace to go on.

  7. Zoeyphoenix says:

    Very inspiring piece. Routine may be familiar but eventually it makes us lose our way. Life is far too precious not to make it worthwhile…

  8. Imisi says:

    200% with you on that; life is way too precious. Thanks, dear. Trust you have been keeping well?

  9. Imisi says:

    Ehyaa. Thanks, dear. Pls stay with it. God give us all strength to live by design.

  10. Imisi says:

    Ehyaa. Thank you, sweets. I really hope, one day, it'll be back to how it was at first: every two weex.You been good?

  11. Imisi says:

    Thank you so very much, bro. Big AMEN to that. How're things at your end?

  12. Imisi says:

    Thank you, dear. Trust things are great with you.

  13. Imisi says:

    I'm humbled. Thanks for reading, bro. #GodBless

  14. Imisi says:

    Thanx, bro. How's it going over there?

  15. Imisi says:

    Hahaha. You're still as dramatic as I remember. Sorry for how long it's been.You're bang on point with that analysis of Lagos. Still, we spite of it all, we have to pray for grace to see order through the chaos and strength to follow through.*Pix up cutlass as souvenir* 😀

  16. Imisi says:

    This has to hold the record for the longest time between a comment and a reply [I honestly didn't see it come in]. Forgive me, Kikky. And, thank you for taking the time to be on here.Hahaha. You've got quite a point there. No point starving on the path of fulfillment.

  17. Emaleecious says:

    Wow!!!This is fully loaded. The lesson from that child…I can't een begin to describe it.

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