The Tow Job

Posted on September 18, 2011 by De-Me-Stified

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My most sincere apologies for the perilous silence. There have been lots of battles in the young man’s life; maybe “Tears of a Clown” would shed some light. Really miss being up here,  though – and I’m sure glad you stopped by again. Today’s issue, …….
Major: Colonel, on behalf of the General, accept my apologies for interrupting your vacation.
Colonel: Get right to it, Major!
Major: Sir, your country needs you. We’ve got a high-risk job. Off-the-radar; strictly need-to-know!
Colonel: You better tell me all you know. I’m not up for games.
Major: Aye, Sir! High-profile automobile broken down behind enemy lines. We need a discrete evacuation. High odds; nothing like you’ve ever done before.
Colonel: I’ve seen it all, son. Still, I’m not the type to turn down an offer to die famous. Lay it bare.
Major: Operation Tulip, sir. You’ll proceed to the red zone with Omega, then….
Colonel: You must have me confused with someone else. I don’t do partners. 72 missions without one; I won’t start today. Patch me through to your ranking officer immediately.
Major: We’re aware of your preference, sir, but the favour we request is your agreeing to have a partner on this. It really is a job for two. If you still wanna meet my superior, sir, he’d be waiting in the car. He’s Omega.
Colonel: Major, you mean to tell me the ranking officer in charge of this mission is to be my partner? Something’s not right, here! You best not be funning me. Tell you what: I smell a rat’s arse out there – and I’d make sure you don’t see Christmas.
Major: I’m on your side, Colonel. Ready if you are.
Colonel: Get my bloody helmet!

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Posted in Providence, Trust | 14 Comments

Bio-Hazard

Posted on July 20, 2011 by De-Me-Stified
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“There is no fate but what we make for ourselves” – John Connor [Terminator 2]
“Who’s to know if I was born to be great? I work hard to be – and that’s all that matters” – Imisi

A few years ago, I was present at an @AIESECIFE meeting. After going through a few items on the agenda, it was time to hear an alumnus speak on ‘personal efficiency’. To be totally honest, the dude didn’t look the part; he wasn’t even near the most eloquent person I ever heard. If I was going to listen at all, something else needed to capture my attention. In fact, I already wrote the session off as a pellucid waste!

 

I, however, quickly noted from his outline how different from the popular his approach was. He began by giving a very insightful definition of personal efficiency and proceeded to highlight its two critical ingredients: Biology and the Environment. He then went further to liken personal efficiency to the intersection of those two ingredient-sets. Being, at the time, someone who had barely noticed any remarkable agreement between his Biology and Environment, I was convinced the talk was well-tailored to my needs. So, ‘forsaking all others’, I tuned in.

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Posted in Determination, Hard Work, Talents | 7 Comments

Just Like That

Posted on July 4, 2011 by De-Me-Stified
“In my experience, there’s no better judgment than refusing to judge” – Imisi
Sometime in January 2010, calling it the ‘Devil’s frying pan’, I had refused to rsvp for a friend’s wedding in Maiduguri. Now, over a year later, thanks to #NYSC, I begin my long trip away from the city I had come to know for its beauty. I thought of the Lows; the times I was broker than shattered glass, lower than MI’s jeans and thrown further than unwanted trash. I looked upon all the Highs, the joys; the hugs with ‘alien’ brothers, the gifts from total strangers, the monies I gave up for impact, the impact that brought glory, the glory I shared for love, the love I traded for smiles, the smiles I gave for nothing and the nothing I exchanged for more smiles.
As I took it all in, the past eleven months flashed before me. “The people are no-good – intellectually”, “Their government is shit”, “It’s a backward civilization”; whatever hadn’t I said before? I had totally judged the case before the courts even opened. In the end, though, only a very tiny fraction of the notions I packed in my bag on my way in ended up with any substance. The city was not perfect by any standard, but so was I. And, if its imperfections had served to smoothen my flawed edges, I could only be grateful.

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Posted in EnP CDS, Life, Purpose, Stereotypes | 8 Comments

All Because of You

Posted on June 27, 2011 by De-Me-Stified
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Hallos! Sorry for my long ‘vac’. If you’ve been following the news or my pointers, you’d know that I’m done with service and far away from Maiduguri by now. I left Maiduguri on the 18th of June – and I’ve already been to Abuja, Lagos, Ife, Ibadan, Oyo and Iwo in that time. Where I really am, however, remains a classified secret (lol). Still, however hard I try, thoughts of the good times / adventures I had during service stick with me like a shadow. Maybe it’s a little too soon to attempt forgetting them – or maybe such are never meant to be forgotten! They could just be the type of foundation awesome futures are made of.

My next few posts may be infused with a lot of such experiences – or their reverberations;please bear with me! Today’s issue is my farewell speech as I stepped down honourably (Cc: #TeamGbagbo, #TeamMugabe) as the Editor of the Editorial and Publicity CDS Group, Maiduguri!

A lot of people think it’s all a show when I credit the EnP CDS for 80% of the happiness and success I felt during my service year – but it just isn’t so. Every single member of that unit has worked hard to teach me something new. They have all been remarkable people. I like to say “may we never meet again except at the top”, though I’m convinced many of them will rub shoulders with kings. So, a quick shout-out to the (former) Batch-B members of the Editorial and Publicity CDS: Friday Abiamuweh [AKA Abia One Love | Fashion/Graphix Don],Robo Atariata [Statistix Guru], Bidiak Uloh [ AKA Bill Bidiaque | Movie producer], Ojevwe Imonirhua [Seasoned Accountant], Pius Nnahiwe [Marketing Intelligence Consultant], Rosemary Oko [Media Whiz], Clara Ojukwu [Fashion Analyst], Christie Unakalamba [Teacher] and to my successor, Efreman Edet Phillip [Communicator/Communication Analyst], ten times my worth on any scale, thanks for perfecting my success! There’s absolutely no doubt these guys have glorious futures ahead of them. I’m quotably convinced many of them WILL become household names in Nigeria and beyond!
*April 22 2011: Today, I begin typing my handing-over speech – not because it’s due soon; rather, that I may someday learn to write my will long before it is needed!*
*****

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Posted in EnP CDS, Life, Maiduguri | 12 Comments

Rainy Days: The Sequel

Posted on June 13, 2011 by De-Me-Stified
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Sorry I had to split the whole thing in two. I figure the “brief-reading” bug I caught’s a fairly popular one. And, in case you’re just joining us, we started with ‘Rainy Days: The Gambit‘. In that episode, we journeyed from the present to the past – and then, to the more familiar future. We’re here now ……

“How soon ‘not now’ becomes ‘never’ ” – Martin L. King

As I sit there sulking, I notice (for the first time) the cobwebs that chose my ceiling as a venue for their fair – and how they even seem to glow in the lightning. Cobwebs, in my house? Sabotage; somebody must have planted them there! Why is everything conspiring against me on my special stay-at-home ‘rainy day’? My job teaches me to take challenges in stride but an eerie feeling of gross inadequacy lingers; it’s almost like I missed a major lesson. Whatever the case, I’m determined to make the most of what’s left of the day.

 

A gentle rumble in my bowels reminds me of something I scarcely ever forget. How had I managed to stay without food till 12pm? Letting out a cocky grin, I head hurriedly for the kitchen. At least, this one thing is well within my ability – stormy or crappy day! Depressingly, had I remembered that I had been out of gas awhile, I would scarcely have bothered. I had not seen the need to refill the gas while electricity was regular. I would have watched a lovely HD movie in the time it would have taken to refill the gas. So, that type of ‘sacrifice’ hadn’t made much sense. Now, a large fraction of my sanity hangs on something that meant nothing to me a few short days ago. I sigh heavily, gradually conceding defeat to the ‘conspiring elements’.
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Posted in Life, Procrastination, Work | 7 Comments

Rainy Days: The Gambit

Posted on June 9, 2011 by De-Me-Stified
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I’m sure the “Imisi, Editor” thing must have hung a few questions on your mind. Not to worry, that phase is over. Alas, I’m now an EX-something; they tried to make it fancy by calling me the IPP – but you get the point. One way or another, the past must hand the future over to the present; it’s the cycle called life.

A while ago, I presented my handing-over speech. Funny how it’s the opening line I typed many weeks ago – the one I deliberately didn’t mention – that still dances around my head. “22, April, 2011: Today, I begin typing my handing-over speech – not because it’s due soon; rather, that I may someday learn to write my will long before it is due”, it read. Good thing I had more than a month to ‘Obama’ the whole thing (hehehe). Lemme know if you’re interested in the parts I didn’t skip.

Now, to today’s issue! It may interest you to know that I started this post about a year ago. The true details may never make the news, but by the time you reach the end, you’ll know exactly why it just got published.

“Never has there been a more convenient, more misleading assumption than that tomorrow’s agenda is freer than today’s” – Imisi

“Procrastination is, hands down, our favourite form of self-sabotage” – Alyce Cornyn-Selby

I remember growing up with an insatiable appetite for pastry. No matter how huge my portion of the cake, jam tart or apple-pie was, I’d always go back to ask mom if I could have “just a little more”. The answer was usually a mood-dependent variant of “let’s save the rest for the rainy day” – a line that always pierced my heart. As time went on, however, I began to nurse the idea of the rainy day as that one day (hopefully before Armageddon) when I’d have limitless access to all the pleasures mom’s over-planning denied me. What a sweet day it’ll be. Truth is: I’ve looked forward in delight ever since.
Now, welcome to a future in which I’ve just got back home from work. It’s been a very busy week as I’ve already had to make trips to six different sites. You see, my company’s been handling a lot of projects lately. And, being as obsessed with quality and detail as they know I am, I always get to “do the rounds”. Still, I’m the very last person you’d ever hear complaining. I just love my job; it’s like nothing else matters. The exposure’s beyond my usually unchained dreams. My colleagues are great and inspiring; always leaving that air of friendly rivalry about the office. No one has to tell you to stay on your toes if you want to be relevant in another five minutes. And, the pay’s to die for too. So, I’m not complaining; that’s exactly how I like it.
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Posted in Life, Procrastination, Work | 7 Comments

We All Build

Posted on May 26, 2011 by De-Me-Stified
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My time at the Ruby Springfield College comes to an end in a few short minutes. I vividly remember soberly strolling in in August, having absolutely no idea what to expect of the kids. I didn’t even know if I was going to be accepted by the management; I was just too intent on making some form of impact in my service year to want to idle away at the Ministry of (no) works.

Now, the better part of eight months is behind me – and I still can’t think of better use for the time than being with these kids. Just yesterday, mid-way through my trip to the Governor-Elect’s office, thoughts of my unattended class ran across my mind. Heaven knows I’d rather be with tomorrow’s governors than today’s. And, judging by the girl who just walked tear-in-eye out of my office without saying a word, I’d say the feeling is perfectly mutual. It was for such a feeling I took on extra teaching jobs in my spare time.
It beats me how they even warmed up this much to me; I set out neither to be ‘liked’ or hated – only to be missed. I knew I had a mission to carry out. Somebody had to be better for all my emphasis on the power of self-belief and hard work. Maybe I just underestimated the depth of such talk.

The clock won’t stop singing it’s ‘tic-toc’ anthem; very soon, it’ll be “BBBBB’ (that’s Batch-B Bye-Bye Borno). Therefore, I think it’s only fitting that I put up the last article I sent in for editing towards our passing-out publication.

“For we like bricks exist; first as trivial nothing, then as promising lumps; then, by proper guidance, as glorious structures that cannot be overlooked” – Imisi

I had always hoped to spend my service-year teaching in some remote village. That was, judging by the impressions the movies painted of teachers being next to gods in those places. As the time to receive my posting letter drew close, I, however, changed my mind – thanks to all the tales of excruciation that flew around camp In fact, so great was my fear that vehement prayers preceded the collection of the said letter. Words cannot aptly describe how delighted I was to find my worst fears didn’t see the light of day!
Still, every time I spoke with friends whom fate had taken a little further from town, their tones always struck a chord within me. They never seemed to run out of superlatives in the narration of their experiences. I would have thought they’d envy me for being in the centre of town; how wrong I was! If there was any envying to be done, the job was really and truly mine. Was everything alright with them? I knew for certain that the out-of-town settlements didn’t have many companies to boast of. So, after all the lofty pictures we painted together in camp, how could my friends be so happy teaching – and for a miserable fee too? What did I know! You see, they had, one by one, found the joy of impartation – and from that point on, it had stopped being about the money!

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Posted in Appraisal, Fulfilment, Life, Teaching | 13 Comments

Remember Not This Face

Posted on May 19, 2011 by De-Me-Stified
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So, ‘Worlds Apart’ was greeted with mixed reactions. Maybe I saw it coming. Still, I can’t but be sincerely grateful to all those who liked it – and weren’t ashamed to say so. For the maaaaaaaaaaaaaaany who didn’t, I perfectly understand. It was a fast-tracked flirt with an archaic style of poetry. I hated it from the moment that bearded literature teacher taught me many years ago. I’m not even sure how I remember it.

Neeways, here’s another; POSSIBLY my last {documented} affiliation with poetry. It’s the second poem I put up for publication in my CDS’s article. If you (somehow) prefer this to the first, maybe my wackiness is finally rubbing off on you [lol]. Or, maybe practice truly makes for better results. Maybe no one’s really good at anything; maybe life’s all about willingness to try again and again till expected results surface.

As you may already know, my service-year’s fast coming to an end. And, the phase I’m at now is typically characterised by unbridled joy (for the average), nerve, uncertainty and remorse (for us, the ‘other’ kind). So, over and above the parting messages I’m sending out to others, I remind myself to take more away from here than the obvious (its face). This writing’s a silent message to my sub-conscious; pleading that it’ll remember the whole experience for things brighter than blasting bombs, sharper than pocket-swords and much faster than racing slugs! Of course, it should also prod me to do those things that’ll ensure I look back, many years down the line, with a sincere grin of accomplishment!

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Posted in Impact, Life, Parting | 15 Comments

Worlds Apart

Posted on May 13, 2011 by De-Me-Stified
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At long last, and, in obvious spite of all my dilly-dallying, the long-awaited ‘poem’ is here. Lemme just say again that I was greatly out of my depth (as evidenced by poem number 2) venturing into the world of poems. I never really felt comfortable in that realm; it’s more of my sis’s thing. So, you’re very correct if you’re thinking I don’t like them much.

All that said, there are a few positives I would like this ‘comedy session’ to remind me of:

First: I was moved to write this solely by a sense of responsibility. Even if it never got picked, it must have inspired a few of the older CDS members to find that the ‘new kid’ already put in an entry.

Second: if you’ve seen (or heard) the news, you’ll probably go through with a furrowed brow, wondering how blind I can be. No wonder they say “there’s none so blind as he who would not see”. This ‘poem’ reminds me of the attitude with which I took on Borno; the same one that has got me going till now. Yes, that one that almost had my dad pack his bags and journey up here on holiday.

When you’re done laughing at how poor a soul can get at poetry, please remind yourself that attitude and reality are truly “worlds apart”.
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Posted in Attitude, Happenstance, Life | 8 Comments

The Boy Who Would Not Explore

Posted on May 1, 2011 by De-Me-Stified
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“The ultimate lesson all of us have to learn is unconditional love, which includes not only others, but ourselves as well” – Elizabeth Kubler-Ross

“When the power of love overcomes the love of power, the world will know peace” – Jimi Hendrix

The official deadline for the submission of articles in my CDS has now passed. As earlier promised, here’s one of the four pieces I sent in. it may not feel like my typical style, but don’t forget the primary audience is different. And, I didn’t wanna do any tweaking {hence the monster quotes}. So, …….

“Once, in the ancient lands of the great knights lived a noble and famous king; a man whose every fibre was taut with valour. He lived with his family in the small town of Nabe-Nawe – and from there, discharged his royal responsibilities. His name was Chukwudi and he ruled his people with wisdom, foresight and integrity. In his time, the kingdom knew plenty – of food and wealth. It was almost perfect, but – as nothing really can be – a blemish soon reared its head. None of the king’s three wives could bear him an heir. At first, that didn’t bother him because he loved his seven daughters dearly. As time went by, however, and on seeing the prevalent greed and selfishness among the ruling class, he soon became distraught.

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Posted in EnP CDS, Prejudice, Unity | 8 Comments