A man once said “Without rules, we are nothing but savages“. Then, another said “Rules are but imaginary boundaries waiting to be crossed by the adventurous“. If I absolutely had to go with one of them, I’m still not sure which it’ll be.

As a kid, mom was always yelling the “no sugar in your Garri” rule in my face. This was usually followed quickly (with the same “I’ll-beat-the-shit-out-of-you-if-you-dare” look) by the almighty “no food in the bedroom” rule. I never cared to find out what informed such “tough” rules. They were just a bloody pain in my black butt as far as I was concerned (It’s all “past tense” now. I simply “Rule 0” them whenever I’m lucky to be home). Heck! I knew those rules way before I even mastered the Ten Commandments (I really haven’t. You should know the tough ones for me). Funny thing: Over the years however, I “invented” a few rules of my own.

For those of us that make loads of critical decisions every now and then, those moments are usually accompanied by another – one of truthful introspection. Usually, as this curious moment waltzes by, we have to ask ourselves whether we prefer to stick with the “play it safe” or “go all the way” approach we just employed. It quickly becomes a question of results: “Do I achieve more with or without my rules?” Still, a life totally devoid of rules leaves a lot to be desired. That being said, let me introduce you to some of mine.

1.   Whoever can accurately predict you owns you. Give no man that honour
2.   There is always room in the gutter. No matter what you achieve, do not throw your life away
3.   Be courageous, or pretend to be. No one can tell the difference
4.   Good enough is never good enough
5.   Money is optional, dreams imperative
6.   Life is crazy – so every once in a while, be
7.   Never go in without a way out

8.   Know when you’re being deceived

9.   Know your adversary. Only a tortoise knows where to bite another

10. Nothing comes for free. We all pay – eventually!

11. Wishes are horses – lame ones. They get you nowhere

13. An embarrassment is only as big as you make it

14. Blood-ties are overrated. Family is in the mind

15. Go the distance. Nothing noble ever happens overnight

16. Humour will lengthen your life. Work hard to find it

17. Learn to let go. Nothing lasts forever

18. Take the lessons. Dump the chatter

19. Be blunt but heavy; even if u don’t cut it, u will crush it

20. Pay attention to details. Nothing is ever what it seems

21. Mind your own business

23. When dealing with subordinates, punish seldom but publicly and heavily

24. Never lend out what you can’t afford to lose

25. Make people feel wanted

26. Never taste unless you plan to eat

27. Have a publicized weakness

28. Share the spotlight. There’s a good chance you’d be killed in it

29. Be flexible. There’s more than one way to achieve anything

30. Never piss in your own pool

31. Know the difference between fear and hate

32. Give her your heart. keep your head

33. There’s no shame in defeat to a worthy opponent but never let it happen twice

34. Appearance does 55%, perception does the rest

35. Control the mob or stay away

36. Save your complaints. even will always defeat good now. Albeit, with time on her side, good will someday win

37. Praise in public, criticize in private

38. Be your own biggest critic and fan

39. Be decisive – although you may often be wrong

40. In a fight, hit first – and hard

41. Never leave a woman for another. If you have to, leave her for nothing

42. Always say less than is needed

43. Time changes everything. Bend with the times

44. Know the difference between a privilege and a right

45. In victory, look forward. in defeat, look backward, then forward

46. Whatever seems too good to be true probably is

47. People will lie for you if you learn the power of silence

48. Not all ingredients of a sweet are sweet. Know your role

49. Twin-coffins are not popular. Get used to being alone

50. It matters little whether they love or hate you. Just make them miss you

51. Decide quickly. The longer you spend trying to pick right from wrong, the more likely you are to pick wrong

52. Pray for the best, plan for the worst

53. Appear to know what you’re doing – even when you don’t

Okay! Maybe this is a cool place to stop (53 is actually a magic number for some people – a sect I am totally unaware of). The last time I actually attempted to count these rules, they were in excess of 500 (yea, true!!). Yet, in truth, my favourite rule is the one I like to call “Rule 0“. It states:

“There is no rule made by me that cannot be flouted by me when the need arises* – and without remorse too”

* You can hold on to whatever definition of “when the need arises” that suits your mission but reread Rule 22.

So, what’s that fool-proof approach to life – (A) by-the-boox or (B) off-the-rail? You’re probably wondering what rights I have to ask. Afterall, my own rule book is longer than the flooding Nile. True but, I’ll vote all day for the hidden option (C) – a perfect blend of both. Blind rules have never gotten anyone anywhere {don’t believe? watch the Jesus and Terminator clip!}. I think the beauty of life is in knowing when to ditch the highway for the off-road. The important thing is to be sure you’re living the life and not having someone (or something) else live for you.

“Rule 0” works for me EVERYTIME.